i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
