i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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