your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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