Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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