tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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