Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
