It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
