I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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