I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
