Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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