i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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