Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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