her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
