he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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