So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
