Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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