I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Even my vagina gasped.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
