i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
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He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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