So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
