I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
