That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize