That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
