I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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