And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
