We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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