his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
