wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't deserve a penis
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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