babies were throwing up all over the place
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
