I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
