I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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