i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
