I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
