I'm going to jail i love you
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Randomize
