I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
