his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
