So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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