Me. At least after what I've been through.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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