EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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