You just made me feel so damn special
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
