it glows. i had to have it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
