Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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