Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
