Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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