i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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