I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
