Screwed.edu
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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