Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
