And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize