sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
wow bdsm is so cute
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
