dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
