How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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