i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
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the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
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We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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