Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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