Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
