Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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