God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
