@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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