How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
