Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
