Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
