I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize