i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
