Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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