the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
