I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
